The walls of her room fell down. Rayne was cold; she wanted to pull the blanket up over her bare shoulders. She lay on the bed in the forest in the snow and watched as he walked toward her.
It was strange. He always looked the same. He always wore the same clothes and the same blue eyed smile, and he wore them now as he stood over her, although the smile slowly disappeared.
Rayne found the edge of the bed, forced her legs over the side, sat up, wrapping her arms around her body against the cold, and said to him, "You ruined my life."
Gabe sat down next to her. She felt the bed move under his weight, and now he did smile. "I never had your life, princess. I can't ruin what I never owned."
That wasn't true. Was it true? It couldn't be true. Turning to him, Rayne pleaded. "You did. You did! No one, everyone, I kept looking and I never found you, and I dreamed...I dreamed about you. And you me I named you, you said I did...doesn't that mean something? Ryan was about you, it was always about you. It has to mean something. Gabe, it has to mean something."
"Gabe?" He was walking away without giving her an answer any answer even a bad answer. "Gabe"! she called again, "it means something, doesn't it? Please don't go! Gabe?"
Sandy Point - 1100 Bridge Pass: 10 AM
The damned dog was staring at her. She'd overslept. The dream still sifted through her as she felt barefoot for the floor, grieving and lost and unhappy and avoiding the dog's eyes, and wary. She didn't want to step into a puddle of dog pee. "I'm getting up," Rayne grumbled at the thing. "Give me a minute." As if it understood...
Padding through the living room into the kitchen, she dumped dog food into the dog bowl. Spilled it onto the floor. The dog didn't seem to want to eat it so why had he been standing there by her bed with that anxious dog look? Who the hell knew. She should give the thing back to Nic.
Wind tossed the waves outside the window. It was November, and chilly, but only South Beach chilly. Why did she always dream it was so cold? Every single one of those dreams was a cold dream. She was always freezing in those dreams. Her throat tightened. She missed Toad, missed him terribly, and after one of those dreams she needed him. Maybe it would ok to just stop by and see how he was. Of course it would be ok.
You should call first...Rayne thought about it as she hurried through the house, dressing, grabbing car keys, leaving the dog to guard whatever it was he was supposed to guard. Why should she call? If he wasn't there, he wasn't there. And she didn't want to call, couldn't stand hanging around here, had to get out, had to go.
Sandy Point - 6 Big Tree Lane: 11 AM
Jimmy's place was only a 20 minute drive at this time of year, around the bridge and up the hill and down the steep curve his truck could never corner properly. It started to spit cold rain as she pulled up in front of his place, and there was that little red piece of junk with the dented fender, probably with a bag of horse or cow or pig feed stuffed in there somewhere.
Rayne inhaled hard...Pink Sunglasses. And she had worried about not calling ahead...
She didn't bother to tiptoe up the steps, but Mia was in the kitchen singing and banging pots around and didn't notice her until Rayne wrenched open the door and walked right in on her. Rayne let the door slam behind her. "What are you doing here?"
Mia startled, dropped the pot down hard on the counter, shaking her fingers as if she'd burned them. "I don't see your name on the mailbox. I'll come over here anytime I like."
The place was quiet, now that Mia stopped singing and whistling and stirring. Uneasy, it was never this quiet, Toad always had something playing full blast, Rayne glanced around and demanded, "Where's Jimmy?"
Mia stepped away from the counter and the pot. She'd certainly come prepared, there was food all over the place, and since when had Jimmy ever drunk milk. "He's not feeling well, and you are in my way. I'm making dinner." She started to stammer under Rayne's glare. "For the two of us. I'm making dinner for the two of us."
If he wasn't screwing the stupid girl, he really had to be sick. He wouldn't have her here to make a pile of pot roast. Rayne stepped right past her. "Oh please...dinner? That's your best move? Get out of MY way, cowgirl."
His room was cold. The furnace wasn't working, or he'd turned it off, or he'd forgotten to pay for the propane delivery, but he was sitting on the side of his bed half dressed. With what was left of his stash of drugs and some empties spilled out on the floor next to his bare feet. The room was full of smoke and the smell of beer but she absolutely knew he hadn't brought Pink Sunglasses over here and didn't even want her here.
Rayne stood in the doorway. It could have been her. She shouldn't have left him. He wouldn't have left her.
"Toad..." Kneeling at his feet, Rayne looked up at him, knowing better than to touch or grab him, waiting for him to realize she was here.
Jimmy flicked ash onto the floor and focused blurred eyes on her. And smiled. "Hey...Rennie? Where'd you go? You been gone, I know you been gone, but you're back."
She slid onto the bed beside him whispering, "You stupid asshole, you're going to fuck up your contract. What are you doing? You can't get wasted like this, you've got a gig on Saturday. I know because I was going to come."
Jimmy sighed, dropped the still burning cigarette somewhere near his feet, buried his face in her neck and her hair. "Yeah. And I'm gonna be there. I swear I'll be there...but Ren I'm not doing so good."
Rayne started to pull away, uncertain what she was supposed to do. Jimmy pulled her back and stroked her lip with one finger and grinned. "You got to stay with me. Stay with me."
Stay with me...walls falling down again. Ryan had said that. Not seeing her, he'd said that. She'd said that. She'd said it to the man who came in the dark and the cold of her nightmares and she didn't, hadn't, never had seen him either. The woman in the kitchen baking her way into heaven, had she said that? Probably. She definitely didn't see Jimmy if and when she'd ever asked him to stay with her. Who did Toad see when he said it? Did he really see her? Did it matter if he did if she wanted to stay?
"Toad, you have to tell Mia to leave and not to come back. You have to do that."
She stood up. Jimmy leaned back on the dirty bed and looked at her from such a distance, pain in his face, pain in his eyes and his mouth. "Ren I didn't do nothing with her, she's company. She's making me some food."
"I have," Rayne said, fighting through it, through Ryan and Gabe and her father and her mother and that bitch Gemma and all of them and everything, "I have something to do. You have to tell her you don't want her to stay. And I will come back, and when I do, I will stay. If you can look at me and you're not wasted and ask, I will stay. I won't ever go."
South Beach - Coast Road, Stanfield Residence: 1 PM
Refusing to think, leaning into music and the sweep of the road and the cold driving memory of every one of those dreams, Rayne circled the island and downshifted hard in front of her parents' big house on the beach. She got out and hesitated, and there was her baby sister playing in the flowers and the fountain.
"Hi Hugs," she said, "is Mommy here?"
Hugs jumped out from inside the blooms and laughed. "Yes she is but Rainie, NatenEric ate all the lunch. Are you here for the cookies? I helped make them!"
She didn't know she was supposed to be here for lunch. She hadn't answered the phone, hadn't looked at any messages, and couldn't have eaten it anyway. "I don't want any lunch, Hugs. I just need to talk to Mommy."
Hugs dropped her arms, waited, watching her, and then said quietly, "Rainie, don't be sad."
Rayne didn't know children, had never bothered much with Nate and Eric, and they certainly wouldn't have said anything like that. Her breath caught in her throat. "Sweetie, I'm not sad," she assured her little sister. "I just had a bad dream this morning."
Hugs didn't fidget or poke at the dirt with her shoe, she stood there in the fountain sparkles, looking up her, wide eyed. "I have those," she said. "Those bad dreams, I have those. That's why I sleep with Bunny cuz he helps. You can borrow him though. I don't mind."
Rayne knelt in the wet grass, running one hand down Hugs' arm, the soft fabric gentle under her fingers. She was going to cry. When had she ever cried over something this good? When had she ever cried over anything or anyone except that haunted dream? Maybe she should borrow Bunny, although she was sure the magic wouldn't work for her, not anymore, maybe it never had. "Thank you baby, but I'll be all right. I have to say sorry to Mommy for something I did a long time ago, and then it will probably be fine. But thank you, and I hope Bunny does chase away all your bad dreams."
Taking her sister's hand, Rayne started walking toward the door. "Maybe she won't be too mad," Hugs offered. "If you say sorry and you don't yell, she won't be too mad. I'll stay with you."
Rayne smiled down at her. "It'll be ok, Hugs. Everything will be ok." She would go back, she had to go back, she couldn't let him fall. Maybe she could borrow the bunny for Toad. Maybe she could make some things ok. Maybe she didn't need to wait for anyone to help her make them ok. Maybe that's what the dream was about. The wind blew from behind them, from the west, following them, billowing, wrapping them in a long curtain of sheer, clear air .
---------------
Author's Note: Here ends Passages. I hope it worked. It was one of the few pieces I saw clearly from beginning to end.
NEXT CHAPTER: Winter Song (the last chapter in Sessions)
35 comments:
Aww, that was a cute way to end it. Hugs and Bunny busting the bad dreams.
I still like Raine and Jimmy together, but they both need to sort out their own issues before anything can happen.
Hopefully Beth can forgive Raine. Yes, she loved Ryan, but Raine is her daughter--and Beth didn't even choose Ryan in the end. In any case, I just hope things will get better for the poor girl.
Can't wait to find out what happens to everyone in Sessions next :)
Absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I love the interaction between sisters. I love this kind of new Rayne. She seems like she is definitely getting things together!
I hope she can get jimmy back on the right track! I hate to see him like that!
Thank you Van!
One ending at a time...
Qui, thank you so much! I'm glad it worked for you. I love the sisters together too!
I love Passages. I love it so much and I am sad to see it end.
But what an ending! Heartrending and beautiful and good. And true. So very true.
I loved this. This is art. This is beauty.
This is you, and I love it and I love you.
Thank you so much, Stacy! I hope it worked, it never does look or read exactly the way I hoped, but thank you!
This was incredible. It brought a tear to my eye... so powerful SB. I loved how Hugs offered Bunny.. so sweet and real. What a beautiful ending. :')
Oh Christi, thank you! Pretty excited to get a comment from you! And thank you. I love little girls and I know all about having a magic Bunny to keep away bad dreams...
Thank you again!
It was such a beautiful ending Beth. Hugs is so full of insight, even at such a young age.
I'm glad Rayne decided to see the dream as something positive in the end instead of letting it consume her again.
She can help Toad some, but a lot of work has to be done by him too. He has to work through his demons, just like Rayne's working through her own.
Beautiful interaction with Rayne and Hugs. And am I the only one who wants to see how her talk with Beth goes? And that leads me to think it's not over yet, or will you weave that into the Sessions storline?
Your dream sequence is jaw-dropping. Beautifully laid out.
Breathtaking shots always.
Sorry, I deleted the first post. Lots of spelling mistakes.
Val, thank you so much! I was really hoping that the dream would work, turned around, not so much a nightmare as a realization.
I'm not sure we will take it further into Sessions. Sometimes it's better to leave some things open.
and more thanks for the compliment on the lay out and shots...from you, that's really wonderful!
thank you again!
an extra comment to Stacy...thank you for everything. I really mean it. The encouragement on Twitter and everywhere, it means the world to me.
I am blown away by this. The beauty of the writing and the shots is phenomenal. I love the setting of Rayne's dream sequence; absolutely beautiful.
And this was the most powerful dream yet. I feel like she is finally pulling back the last layer and making the connection that Gabe represents something she's been missing in her life, something she has to look for inside of herself and not through anyone else. I think she's ready to open that door and really start looking for it.
Even though she has to work on herself I'm glad she went back to see about Jimmy. He needs her and I think she needs him too. They are both doing the same thing; searching for the lost parts of themselves. She's on the right path and I hope she can help him too.
I love the interaction between Rayne and Hugs. So fitting that Hugs is around the same age as Rayne was when she first encountered the man who has haunted her life in such a serious way. It was almost as if she was looking at a long lost version of herself when she was talking to her little sister. Like she was somehow seeing how to get back to the last place in her life that was true and honest and made sense.
I love this ending. It answers questions but also leaves things open with a possibility to revisit, a feeling that life still goes on. Very real, very powerful, and perfectly done.
Oh, this! I'm so proud of Rayne, she's really taking some good steps in her life.
I worry about Jimmy, but he does care about her, so maybe they can get it together. She's doing good things though, and I hope that she pulls him up rather then him pulling her down. I guess, since this is the end, I'll just have to imagine that that's what happens ;)
Oh, Rayne and Hugs just melt my heart!!! I wish them all good luck on pulling their family back together. This was a beautiful way to end things for Rayne's story.
I'm so glad you chose to do another chapter in this series. I'd wondered if Jimmy would fall back down, and I think Rayne thought the contract alone would keep him on the right track. I hope he gets clean and asks her to stay. I loved the dream sequence, and how it seems to drive her to get her life together so she can really believe that it all meant something. This was a beautiful chapter, and I look forward to learning bits about their progress through the other series.
The more I see her, the more I just adore Hugs! I think she's going to be one interesting character when she grows up. She seems to do the unexpected. Standing up to Jay, and here noticing that her sister was sad.
Ah Jimmy. I still feel bad for Mia, but she's out of her league trying to stand in Rayne's way.
And Rayne, I'm glad she did go back. This is a nice way to end it because she left thinking only of herself, and here she seems to notice for the first time that there are other people who are affected by her actions. Jimmy mostly here, but even in the scene with Hugs, she seems to come at it differently than she probably would have previously.
I think it was a beautiful wrap up.
"If you say sorry and you don't yell, she won't be too mad. I'll stay with you." One of the most poignant sentences, in fact the entire chapter was nothing short of brilliant and shining work. Being able to stay, to accept that people do stay...
It comes back around to that first encounter that changed a little girl's life to another little girl possibly on the verge of her own adventures. You are right; it had to end with Gabe who once again lit the candle without really saying anything.
Of course Jimmy would slip. He was still fragile when he left rehab and it was doubtful he really understood why Rayne had to leave him. Apart they are both still fractured but together they are the glue for each other. I have to say that scene in his bedroom was so descriptive I could smell it. Rayne saw how easily Mia could manipulate Toad among other things and handled Mia in exactly the way a self=assured young woman would.
This piece hit every right note. Not one misstep to be found. Exactly the sort of ending that a reader would want. It is bittersweet, hopeful, open to possibilities not just for Rayne but for Hugs.
I know I already told you this but I cried for a solid five minutes after I read this (for many reasons). It was obvious that you saw it clearly. This was some damn fine work, beautiful sequence of shots, the right emotions for an ending like this.
Bravo! Thank you so much for this and for so many things I couldn't begin to list.
"You ruined my life". For Rayne it all goes back to that moment when she ran away and her knight rescued her. It's as if she built her life around the fairytale and didn't know how to cope when it didn't happen the way she imagined. But the fact that she dreamed Gabe telling her that he never had her life means (I hope) that she has come to that realisation herself and perhaps now the healing can run its course.
The scene with Toad is the most self-assured I think we've ever seen Rayne and her last line: "If you can look at me and you're not wasted and ask, I will stay. I won't ever go"; that really got me, more so than any standard declaration of undying love. It was real and I hope Jimmy heard her.
Muzegoddess, thank you...I am so relieved! I had to wait until I saw this piece visually, and it came slowly. Once it did come though, it came in a huge rush in one afternoon.
Rayne is finally seeing the connections. Gabe isn't going to show up and give her meaning. Nor can she find it in escape. Linking Rayne back to Hugs was also very important to me.
Jimmy and Rayne both need each other, both depend on each other, an unlikely and rough circle but it is a complete circle. That was the most difficult scene to see and write.
If the ending works for you, I am also blown away! THANK YOU!!! Your support has meant so much to me as I took on this story and tried to make it work.
thank you Laura!
We'll see more of these two but not in this way. I love Rayne and Jimmy together; do I think they'll have a perfect ever after from here on out? No, but they have a chance.
The scene with Rayne and Hugs was surprisingly easy to write, but then I have some real life models. So happy you think the ending worked!
Rachel, I just had to do another chapter. I had images and dialog haunting me and knew it wasn't finished yet.
Jimmy probably thought the contract was all he needed too. It wasn't. And although dream sequences can be tricky, I hoped to be able to pull it off if I relied on imagery as much as text. We will follow them through the other series, just not as closely.
Thank you so much!!
Lunar, I'm thrilled you like it!
I adore Hugs too. She's complicated: intuitive, compassionate, gentle, but she did stand up to Jay.
Rayne had to go back. Leaving to 'find herself' is all well and good, but other people were definitely affected. Gabe may not have owned her life, but in some small way Rayne now owns Jimmy's, and has the power to do both great good and great harm. She's finally seeing that.
Thank you for your encouragement and support!
Illandrya, yes it does. It all goes back to that moment when she ran away, found herself lost and scared on a cold beach in the night, and her knight rescued her. She kept searching for meaning in that encounter, making it the fulcrum for her whole life, wheeling and wheeling around it and becoming more and more frightened and confused and angry when it did not come true, when the fulcrum shattered. Rayne's seeing it now; Gabe never had her life, did not ruin it.
She does love Toad, and in a world where people leave, where marriages and relationships routinely break, promising him that she will stay is a true declaration of love.
Thank you so much. It means so much to me that people are getting what I intended with this piece.
Gayl, realizing that it had to end with Gabe was the moment when this all fell into place.
He did not stay. No one in her life ever stayed, including Ryan although she herself drove him away just as she was the one who ran from Cruz. However, people CAN stay. She can stay with Jimmy, and I have no doubt he's made his choice.
You know I cried myself when I finished this. I adore Hugs... I hope it works, hope it found the right notes, hope it both left it open while finding a way, a realistic way, to show where she started, how she got here, and where she might go in the future.
Thank you for everything: your faith in me, your red pencil, and more than I can say.
So I just breezed through your entire story (from where you recommended, anyway)in I don't know how long...probably less time than something of this length should have taken me! But I just couldn't stop reading!
I was a bit worried about jumping in from the point you recommend, because I generally always go back and read EVERYTHING. But I've found it very easy to pick up the different plot points and fall in love with all the wonderful characters. I might still go back and read the older stuff now though, because now that I'm caught up, I'm a little bit sad that I no longer have scads and scads of chapters to devour!
Anyway, this scene with Rayne and Hugs was so sweet. What a smart and intuitive little girl she is! She seems to be the most well-adjusted one in the family, doesn't she? I hope she manages to hold onto that, because she's certainly growing up amongst a lot of turmoil.
Carla, we are thrilled! It's always amazing when someone reads the entire story (and I count reading from Sessions forward as the whole thing even if it's not). It's great to know that you were able to follow the story: thank you so much for sharing that.
Hugs is adorable: sweet and empathetic and intuitive. LOL at this point she certainly does seem like the most well-adjusted one in that family! Give her time, but she's not the same as her siblings so maybe she'll turn out ok.
Again, thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read so much and the time to leave us a comment. We really appreciate it!
And, btw, I'm hooked on Sullivan!
Dreamy ending to Passages, and it was fitting to have Gabe make an appearance. Mystical, magical shots to accompany his appearance. Still miss the bugger~
Glad Rayne went back to Jimmy, I think they can help each other. The love is there. He looked rather a sad figure, sitting on his bed.
Nice ending with the two sisters.
Full circle~
Thank you so much Drew!
I miss him too
This was so beautiful! From start to finish, and what a great way to wrap this section of your story up, Rayne's conversation with Hugs was so cute and sweet. Love her wanting to lend out her Bunny, that's pretty generous! LOL
Can't wait to read more, you guys are doing a fantastic job with everything, the writing and shots always come together for the perfect mix.
Thank you Emily! The bunny was a natural for me; I could see that coming.
Thank you again so much from both of us! It's such a pleasure to hear from you.
Beautiful chapter, and a much better ending than 26. I liked 26, but it didn't feel like closure enough. Bringing it back to Gabe, ending it with family, the future of the family (in Hugs), and the possibility of Toad, but with Rayne seeming so much stronger and more aware than before. Really well written and shot as always guys. I have loved Passages. You did very, very well. *Applauds, while wiping away a small tear*.
Thank you Rad. I'm much happier with it. I think I was just tired and not feeling well when I did the last chapter, sort of threw up my hands and said 'that's it'. It didn't feel right, and, in time, I figured out how I thought it should end. With Gabe. With a promise and a possibility of Toad. And going back full circle to another little girl.
I am so pleased! Thank you!!!
Amazing story! Amazing pictures! I have been reading through each story a posted on the Chapter Guide...spending much of my free time doing it too! ;) I absolutely love every one of them! Sorry this one in particular ends.
You (and the others) have brought such life to your characters. The shots that are set-up for the stories are among the BEST I've seen (I can recall just one other writer who manages as well...).
Thanks SO much for sharing your talent with us. I know your characters will find me thinking of them from time to time -- that's how real you've have made them! :)
Anon, I am overwhelmed. I don't even know how to adequately thank you. Thank you!!!
Gayl and I try to use the visual as much as the text to tell what we want to say. They are not competition shots nor are they intended to be, but we hope they help make both the place and the characters real. We love every single character.
Again, I am flattered beyond words. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and the time to let us know you are enjoying it. We are so grateful!
What an amazing Story... after all she has gone through, she is ready to start all over, and this time she will start with the right foot, (saying sorry to her mom, going back to the man who helped/ who was there when she needed someone)
I agree with everyone else, this was beautiful from start to finish, pictures and writing were perfect as always! everything worked together, everything made sense!
beautiful way to end a very dramatic part of Rayne's life!!
that last conversation with her little sister, and that last shot is just magical!
Gabe coming to her dream and somehow telling her to let go, is probably what she needed to completely open her eyes and realize he isn't hers, she isn't his, never was, never will...
Hopefully she can help Toad, and Toad can help her too...
Beautiful written like always!
S@n!!!! Thank you!! This has been the only story I saw clearly, and it felt so right as I was moving through it.
Gabe had to be 'there' somehow in the end since he had such an enormous impact on her life. Not that he intended to, of course.
Rayne and Toad are good for each other. He brings out the best in her and she does the same for him.
Thank you, and it is so good to hear from you again!
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