Passages 23

South Beach - #10 Coast Road



Rayne: Cornered in the dining room between the table and the wall and the smaller table with flowers and some kind of goddess statue on it and feeling every single minute of the sleep she didn't get and remembering Toad's face when Cooper forced her to leave and now both of them were going at her, Cooper and her mother. She still had sand between her toes. Nothing felt good.

Cooper: Let me get this straight. That night you ran out of the house, Gabe Lombardo grabbed you, hauled you to his apartment somewhere downtown, and kept you there. You were what, five, six years old? That's the big secret you've been hiding? Rainie, I knew Gabe, what happened there to make you keep thinking about him all those years?

Rayne: Nothing really happened. I think I ate some cereal and took a nap.

Cooper: That's bullshit Rainie. Cereal and a nap? Why didn't you tell us where you'd been if it was cereal and a damned nap?

Rayne: Because he asked me to keep it a secret.





Cooper: Yeah I bet he did. This is fucking unbelievable. You knew nothing about this?

Beth: Of course I didn't know anything about it! Why do you even believe anything about this is real?

Cooper: Why? Because your good old buddy Rafe is in the middle of it! I didn't imagine him driving her home! Come on, Beth! Gabe snatches our six year old daughter off the side of the road, she spends the next ten years trying to get over him and you honestly believe he didn't touch her?! Cereal and a nap my ass!


Beth: You don't want to know what I honestly believe. I honestly believe she imagined the whole thing.

Cooper: She didn't imagine Rafe, did she?

Beth: That's ridiculous. You know Rafe wouldn't protect Gabe!

Cooper: I don't know a damned thing! He knew she was with that son of a bitch, and he did not tell me - you want to explain that?

Sandy Point

~Jimmy~



Digging through Rennie's boxed up shit he'd found the phone number she'd given him. Cooper's private line. He looked at it, at her handwriting, pretty little pointed loops, she'd drawn a swirly line with a sparkle under the number, then he crumpled it up, shoved it in his pocket. Four long hours since the man had gone dragging her off. She hadn't looked good. She looked like she didn't want to go. Might be wrong about that though since why wouldn't she want to go back? Wasn't nothing here for her.


His phone was ringing. He leaped up, stumbled down the stairs, grabbed the phone and shouted, "Yeah? Hello?"

Gemma asking him how he was and if he'd spoken to Rayne and wanting to 'touch base' because she had some kind of new idea. The woman sure had herself plenty of those. "I'm busy," snarling it, slamming the phone down in disappointment.



He'd lived around here his whole damned life, knew the way it got still and quiet before a storm, nothing but bugs moving around in the heat before all hell broke out in the sky. Looking through the window nobody had cleaned, he sure hadn't cleaned it, walking outside so he wasn’t looking at the window, there was flat water and big clouds climbing up the side of the sky. His gramma said you got ball lightning in this house. Jimmy hadn't seen nothing that looked like ball lightning, and he'd been here since she died and left him the place.

The craving to call Rennie was stronger than any other thing he'd ever needed and couldn't get. Don't do it, he told himself, thinking about the bourbon again. You want ball lightning, get it out of a bottle.

~Rayne~



Beth: I'm not the one who needs to explain, and I still think the story is preposterous.

Cooper: Your mother has a point, Rayne. This whole situation is absurd. Using Gabe to negotiate with me like some sort of 'good faith gesture', even if there's a thread of truth to any of it, it's not going to buy a contract for Jimmy Breaux. Trust goes both ways. You should have told us a long time ago. You want to think about it again?

Beth: Gabe wouldn't have taken the time to scrape you off his shoes. You spent ten years pining after Gabe? You're telling us that's the reason you ended up in rehab?

Rayne: &nbspOne more big gun she could fire. Ryan. Telling Coop she'd fucked Ryan. How far would her mother go to protect him...thinking about it, looking at her mother, considering it, considering the splatter factor, bad bad very very bad...



Rayne: Do you have another reason you'd like to suggest? Something you think I should share?

~Jimmy~



Digging around in the cabinet in the bathroom for stash he thought he still had, finding nothing but boxes of rubbers and a lot of dust and a couple of dead mosquitoes. What was left of them after the spiders sucked out their insides.

He sat down, hanging onto the wall, thinking. Nothing left to barter; he wasn't gonna give up his guitar, had a few bucks in a kitchen drawer, that was it. Might be something...



And there it was. Leaning against the chair. The Martin. Damn, that thing would be worth what? He didn't know what but it'd be a hell of a lot. Cooper Stanfield's Martin signed by the man the whole deal. Charlie might take that in trade.



He didn't remember Charlie's phone number, didn't remember where he'd written it down, didn't want to talk to fucking Charlie. Miserable, stomach aching, staring at the Martin. If he ever got her back, that's one thing she wouldn't give any forgiveness for selling. Feeling real sorry for yourself aren't you? What about if you just try to make that call?

~Rayne~


Eric: uhhhh...she's kinda in the middle of something. Who is this? Yeah...well ok hang on man, if it's an emergency, I'll see if she can talk.



Eric: Sorry, but Rayne's got a call, some guy who says it's an emergency.

Cooper: That would be Prince Charming Number Two right?

Rayne: I need to take that call. Don't I, Mom?

Beth: Eric, tell him she's unavailable.

~Jimmy~





One long time ago he'd been up here. Come down. Don't look down. What's down maybe that was the wrong question maybe. Maybe not. All going down depends where you sit. Sitting way up here, down was easy.

~Rayne~



Rayne: Why are you trying to get between me and Jimmy? What is it with you two?! I just told both of you something you don't like and you don't understand so you're going to rip it up and make it ugly and stupid? Something I thought and dreamed about for years, something that changed my whole life means NOTHING to you? All you care about is Rafe and ragging on each other? And I wasn't freaking molested! You got that? DO YOU GET THAT? DO YOU GET ANYTHING? No contract, right? That's what you're telling me?



Cooper: Stop the hysterics Rayne. It won't work. No contract.



Rayne: Then we're done. I'm leaving. Jimmy and I will manage just fine without either of you; he trusts me and I trust him! You two? You ought to envy what we have, and you know it, both of you, you don't trust anybody and you sure don't trust each other and good fucking luck with that, because, to quote you Dad, you're going to need it.

Cooper: You'll manage? Like hell you will! You are NOT going anywhere! Rayne! Do you hear me? Do NOT walk out that door!



~Jimmy and Rayne~


The car slid off the side of the road into slimy sand and a rainwater ditch running high and fast now with dark rushing water. Lightning cracked off the cliffs to the east.



Slipping, stumbling, she was screaming his name, Jimmy shouting get in here Rennie, get in here, I got you! The door opening onto the storm.



And closing behind them.

---------------------

NEXT CHAPTER: Passages 24

Note from SB: I think at this point this is going to be the worst thing I ever posted. I can't take it down, and don't believe it's worth rewriting. I definitely will not use the script dialogue again. I would just delete the whole mess except some of the plot will mean something for Sessions, so I can't. Sorry about this.

27 comments:

Dinuriel said...

Argh! I had a nice long comment written out, but Blogger ate it. Let me try to sum up:

-I can see where Cooper and Beth are coming from, but the Gabe thing was a long time ago and I think they would have noticed something if Rayne had been molested.
-Maybe Cooper and Beth should be jealous of Jimmy and Rayne.
-There seems to be a bit of "destiny" with Jimmy and Rayne, and their co-dependent relationship could actually morph into something stable and functional.
-Great work with the script format! :D

S.B. said...

Thank you Van. This is going to take a little while to work out, but we are going somewhere.

Qui. said...

She stood up to them! I don't know why I was shocked since Rayne is obviously that "take no shit" type.

Seems he couldn't function witout her! I love the two of them together! By the end, all I could do was say "Damn, Rennie!" lol

S.B. said...

Qui, Rayne can be intimidated, crushed, and scared. Cooper can definitely put her in her place. She really wanted to try to get him to do something he didn't want to do, and she came up short. Her mother, as usual, was not sympathetic. Plus Rayne is spoiled, and walking out like that means she probably gives up the life style she likes.

Jimmy needs her. And she needs him. I love the two of them together too, I really do!

Thank you!

Gayl said...

I love this...just love it. You captured exactly how fractured all the relationships and people are in this piece and especially in the way you wrote it. Jimmy is lost, Rayne is shoved in the background while Cooper and Beth fight about nothing that even matters. Perfect!

You nailed the shots!

Muzegoddess said...

Whoa! Lots of electricity in the air here. To say that the stand off between Rayne and her parents was tense is an understatement. Cooper blowing around hot air while Rayne and Beth death stared each other. And Rayne certainly does have an ace in her pocket that Beth does not want to see her play.

And I wanted to smack Jimmy for even thinking about selling her guitar, seems like he changed his mind for the better. The two of them do seem to fit and might just be so broken that they can heal each other.

I think that the script format was good here and allowed for all points of view to be expressed without an over abundence of description which kept the tension fresh and palpable. And as usual the shots were amazing.

Wonderful job.

S.B. said...

Thank you Gayl. The best of the shots are yours!

S.B. said...

Muzegoddess, I hope we can speed it up from here.

Thank you so much!

collidingwithme said...

I'm so "aarrrghh!!" that Beth totally shot her down! I thought Cooper would side her in the end and have a huge fight with Beth instead. :(

I'm glad Rayne and Jimmy found each other again though. It seemed like they needed each other badly, like they're each others' sanctuary. :) And I'm glad Coop is trying to repair his and Rayne's relationship, though his anger got in the way eventually. But at least he's trying! :D Beth on the other hand... :\ I kinda wished Rayne revealed the secret about Ryan so that everything would blow over all at once.

I loved the writing at the last scene, by the way. Especially: Slipping, stumbling, she was screaming his name, Jimmy shouting get in here Rennie, get in here, I got you! It felt so... in the action. I don't know how to say it. ^^ Oh, and if you don't mind me saying, I think I preferred you original writing style compared to this script dialogue format. :)

Valpre said...

Whoa, I never thought I'd say this, considering what a brat Rayne is, but I'm mighty proud of her right now for standing up to her parents and her determination to make it on her own is admirable.

Looks like her relationship with Toad might actually grow into something much more.

I admire you for trying something new and different and it takes guts to play around with writing styles. But I found the script dialogue a little disconcerting; it will take some getting used to on my part I suppose.

S.B. said...

General comment on the script dialogue style: I found it unexpectedly difficult to write, much harder than I had anticipated. It just doesn't flow for me. But I've been wanting to try it for a while, so I did.

Very much doubt I'll try it again. And I appreciate the honest feedback!

S.B. said...

hey ning!

Yeah I agree about the script dialogue. Interesting experiment but not one I plan to repeat.

Rayne's relationship with her mother will probably never be the same after Ryan. Rayne won't ultimately use Ryan though; the consequences for him would be terrible, and she it.

thank you!

S.B. said...

Valpre, yeah, no more script dialogue LOL!

Well, Rayne stood up to them, but she was trying to 'negotiate' by using something she knew would be controversial. Or she should have known it. Cooper was going to be angry one way or the other. Her mother's reaction is always problematic, and in this case she frankly didn't believe Rayne.

thank you so much!

Phoenix said...

I like the tension throughout this piece and I like how Rayne stood up to her parents for something that she believed in. She did it right. Sometimes you have to walk away in order to stand your ground. GO RAYNE!!

So far I adore Rayne and Jimmy as a couple. Jimmy sees something in Rayne that no one else does and vice versa. Their first kiss was so fitting. Intense and confusing and just them!

And I have to say that I'm glad that you're not going to do script style in the near future. I found it kind of confusing and had to force myself not to scroll(which is my normal habit when trying to read script style outside of plays and whatnot). But it's brave of you for trying something new! It's great that you did that!

S@ndy said...

Drama and tension everywhere, I thought Rayne was going to explode and tell Cooper about Ryan... that would have been horrible but I'm also wondering how far would Beth go to protect him!

That whole conversation was on fire! the script dialogue worked perfect! The writing was too intense that it really didn't need anything else!

The shots WOW the ones with Rayne and family captured the anger and frustration so good... and the ones with Jimmy WOW, they are a masterpiece! Love how you captured him in this piece!

The stormy sky WOW, great shot!
and the last shot... Jimmy and Rayne kissing, it was about time!

I'm glad Rayne walked away... her parents sometimes act very immature!
And I agree with Rayne Cooper and Beth should be definitely jealous of what Rayne and Jimmy share, whatever it is, it seems much more stronger than what Beth and Cooper had accomplished in their marriage...

WOW... seriously this chapter was fantastic!

The Lunar Fox said...

Awesome to see Rayne's bits and compare them to Jimmy's bits. (LOL, that sounds so dirty. Nice.)

It's just interesting that Rayne's part are all dialog, mostly between Beth and Cooper with Rayne trying to speak between them. Meanwhile all of Jimmy's parts are internal dialogue, him fighting his demons the same way as Rayne was facing her own.

I think that worked amazingly well to show what these two are facing. And then to end with the two of them coming together-- perfection!

But I actually thought that the stage directions on Rayne's part were not needed. The pictures on those parts illustrated the tone of the words perfectly, and sometimes the words themselves suggest the tone. I hope it doesn't sound insulting to say trust your readers and trust yourself. Without the directions I could still see the scene in my head.

S.B. said...

Thank you everyone.

I definitely will not use the script format again. I've seen it done well, but could not manage it myself. It was interesting to try, and blowing up one chapter isn't the end of the world! Again, I really appreciate the support and the honesty. You guys are great!

Fortunately, at least some of what we will need to build on came through.

Phoenix: I like Jimmy and Rayne together. I think she could have handled the confrontation with Cooper a little better and come out of it with something instead of nothing, but sometimes it is all or nothing. Jimmy's got a spoiled princess on his hands now though.

Lunar Fox: That is exactly what I intended: Rayne's part is mostly her trying to get a word in edgewise between Cooper and Beth who are arguing about something that happened years ago, and Jimmy's part is internal as he tries to fight it out on a different level. Your point about the stage directions was so good, I went back and deleted most of them. Thank you!

S@ndy: oh thank you...the stormy sky shots (and the best of the writing) are Gayl's handiwork! Jimmy is great to work with. It's hard to get a bad shot of him. Cooper and Beth have a couple of hot buttons (Rafe is one of them) and a serious problem with trust they have yet to resolve. Rayne's Gabe story set them against each other again. I don't know how far Beth would go to protect Ryan; pretty far, but there are limits.

Rad said...

The tension here was very believable - of course Beth and Coop are going to suspect the worst about Gabe, of course Rayne will be defensive about it, of course they'll lose all sense of tact, like they usually do with Rayne. As much as Rayne doesn't help herself, Beth and Coop still have a lot to learn about how not to trigger her buttons!

I can't wait for more of the electicity/passion/carcrash/goodness/badness of Jimmy and Rayne together...

S.B. said...

Thank you Rad. This really didn't turn out how I had hoped, but moving on.

Working on it...

~Drew said...

It seems as if there needed more to be said between Rayne and her parents, a lot of issues there. Love the shot of Rayne standing in front of the Cooper collage, his presence is everywhere, how can one deal with that?
All the talk of Gabe has me missing him all over again.
And Rayne going to Jimmy, wow. Last shot is great, and love the 'Don't feed the Gators' sign, that speaks volumes in itself.

thelook said...

wowowowowowowowowowow. Worst thing you ever posted? SB please change worst to 'most riveting explosive appealing inviting thing I've ever posted'. Because that is what it is.

Rayne really didn't get her say mm? It seemed like Cooper and Beth arguing with Rayne stuck in the middle trying so hard to say what she wanted to, but not being able to because there's Beth and Ryan and Gabe and everything else all jammed into her saying 'Tell on us and it could end up being your nightmare!'. And then there's always the sexing Ryan thing dominating her conversations with her mother to a bad place. Like 25/8.

Oh, how I wish Rayne admitted it just to see what happened. Just to show Cooper you can try and fix it as hard as all the might the man upstairs will give you but sometimes you have to leave it be and be proud you made the effort. That's definitely what Rayne did in my mind - she stood her ground and for that I am proud of her.

Plus Jimmy! Oh bless his heart! He really can't live/survive without Rayne can he? And neither can she. It's not even about the record deal now. It's about being with his special someone.

The shots really captured that - the house with grey skies one was most indefinitely beautiful. But is it my eyes or does Rayne look either tired or aged? :0

And about the script style... I think it worked fine for this. You didn't say she yelled angrily. Nope, it was just ' uh, insert line here '. Which leaves it up to the reader's interpretation - and we could all tell it was pretty angry. ;)

*PS. Part 1 is finally here*

S.B. said...

the look, first HURRAY! You got Part 1 up? I'll be there as soon as I can! Been looking forward to this!

Here is a HUGE virtual hug! Thank you so much. So glad it worked for you, although I won't be trying that particular format again. I admire work by a writer who is able to pull it off, but I wasn't comfortable with it.

Rayne has a lot jamming her up, and she is definitely stuck in the middle. I can't imagine her telling on Ryan; it would turn around and be his fault, and it wasn't, and she knows it.

Jimmy needs Rayne, and she needs him, although neither of them could probably tell you why. It's definitely not about any record deal.

Rayne 'grew up' from a Young Adult to an Adult. Sometimes there is very little difference, but in her case, there is. She does look older.

Again, thank you!!

S.B. said...

Drew, thank you so much for noticing that she was standing in front of that collage of Cooper. His presence is everywhere. How can one deal with it? Very very carefully is, I suppose, the best answer. Rayne has a big dose of Cooper: the volatility and the arrogance. She tried to deal with him carefully but she blew up, pretty much the same way he would have blown up.

'Don't feed the Gators' - so glad you noticed that too!

Gabe. Well. I keep wondering if there's some way to bring back the ultimate bad boy. Haven't given up but can't quite see it yet. He is still out there though.

Thank you for this comment. Your support means so much to me.

Mela said...

I'm catching up! I'm catching up! :D Though it's a little tricky while I'm babysitting my 6 year old nephew right now, hehe.

First of all, I've been really enjoying the tension between Cooper, Rayne and Jimmy here. You can really see Jimmy's ambitious side but he's totally not bowing down to it completely. Rayne's caught in the middle of it all but how much can she do between such strong personalities? She's quite a personality herself. Having all this take place with stormy weather on the horizon is incredibly apt!

And you know I've enjoyed using the script format for my work. It's great that you've experimented here. :) To be honest though (and I think you recognize this a bit), it's not quite working. I think it works for me because I'm writing something like a comic book, at least that's how I envision it. Your story is much more richer and we've enjoyed the details that come with the traditional narrative style. This particular chapter reminded me of a soap opera.

I really still enjoyed the interactions with all the characters though! And one more thing... I read your summary of Sessions again and it's really been helping reference characters such as Julia and Wyatt. I feel like I'm not lost. :)

S.B. said...

Mela...it's a little tricky writing with a couple of toddlers running around I definitely know about that!

Yeah, the script didn't work. I like trying different things but I don't mind it when something doesn't work. I just don't do it again.

Thank you so much for being so supportive! Everything is going into Sessions right now since that's got to blow up before things get resolved in Passages. We are driving that very hard. It's probably difficult for people to follow, but that's what we do.

And I'm so glad the summary worked for you.

Again, thank you so much!!! It's such a thrill to get a comment from you!

cheripye said...

I really liked the script usage it was good :)

Interesting developments here things just keep heating up between Raine and her family and between Coop and Beth too... I loved her thought concept about telling about her and Ryan and then stopping. It shows that she cares for her mother and father deeply even though she's carving out her own path in life :)

Great screens and writing as always :)

S.B. said...

Cheri, I responded to your comment on the next chapter before this one, I was so surprised and happy to see you around again!

thank you on the script usage...the general consensus was that I didn't do so good, and I won't be trying it again, but I appreciate the support so much.

Rayne is growing up. At this point she doesn't quite see her way, but she knows the WRONG way. Hitting her father and mother with what she did with Ryan would have left blood all over the floor and accomplished nothing.

thank you...and I hope, as I said in my response to your next comment, that we will see more of you, and this means you will be writing again!