Day One
Sleeping
Day Two
Finally stopped sleeping…my stomach hurts. Keeping a journal because they make me. It doesn’t mean I have to say anything though. It’s warm. I saw a bird. I saw a cloud that looked like a bird. I ate toast. Meant to say something to Dad about Nate and forgot and can’t do it now. He’ll figure it out. Ryan would have taken him apart. I guess I'm never going to see Ryan again.
Day Three
Jimmy Breaux arrived; they put him in a suite right next to me. I saw him perform once and he showed up late and stumbled all over the stage. Was Randi with me? Don’t remember. He’s such a toad. He pukes on the balcony. I was never that bad. I always make it to the toilet. I think I do. There was that one time but it was in the bushes and no one saw me. I asked to be moved to a different room but they said I have to stay where I am. I don’t plan on hanging around here very long anyway.
Day Four
I went swimming. I keep watching the phone like someone is going to call. Can’t get calls yet. It’s an obsession, watching the phone. Thinking about Cruz and wondering if I ever want to see him again, and if wondering means I do or I don’t. Have to put something emotional in this so there it is. Here’s your emotional THING. Enjoy picking it apart. Toad spilled Pepsi all over me in group. Don’t know if it was deliberate or if he’s just incapable of holding anything now. Why am I writing about TOAD?
Day Five
Had nightmares again...I don't remember them. Toad started banging on the wall yelling at me to shut the hell up. Like he doesn’t have bad dreams. He does; I’ve heard him.
Tomorrow I finally get a visitor.
Day Six
Applying mascara, examining the effect, not bad, at least the dark circles under her eyes were gone, Rayne stepped back from the mirror and smoothed her hair and tried on a smile. She was nervous.
"Hi Dad I'm fine," she practiced saying and watched her own face in the mirror. If she gave anything away, Cooper would catch it. Those counselors were easy to work, hearing what they wanted to hear, closing the blanks with their own expectations, but he wouldn't be. It had been six days, almost a week. Her head was clear. She wanted to see him. She could do this.
"Miss Stanfield," the intercom lady announced, "you have a visitor."
Intercom Lady wasn't much older than she was and she stammered when she was flustered and she was flustered now. Rayne smiled again, straightened her shoulders, and left her room to meet the source of Intercom Lady's fluster.
Cooper was standing around the reception room, tall and easy, gazing out the window toward the dining deck with idle curiosity. Rayne stepped out of the elevator and waited a couple of seconds before greeting him. He'd chosen this place; driven her here; stayed with her for the intake and had left looking exhausted. She hazily recalled her mother arguing with him, trying to convince him to let her come too. It hadn't happened. She didn't remember why. Another hole in her memory, one of many, many holes.
"Hi Dad," she said, and watched him turn on the heel of his boot, see her, and his eyes lit up before he grinned at her.
Taking her hand, Cooper looked her up and down, still smiling. "Hi Raindrop. You're looking good sweetheart."
She'd spent some time planning this, where to go, what to say. There wasn't much else to do except think and plan and plan again. The anxious knot in her stomach eased a little now that he was actually here. Tightening her grip on her father's hand, Rayne said, "Can you stay a little while? We can go outside, out on the beach, if you'd like to do that."
He cast what seemed like an automatic glance around the room, moving closer to her before he replied. "Sure I can stay, that's why I'm here. Outside is good. Wherever you want to go is fine with me."
The path to the beach led through the dining deck. Or, alternatively, through the spa. There was no direct route, no way to get there without everyone watching, taking notes, talking about it. She's going to the beach. She's eating now. The first few days she hadn't given a flying fuck who saw what she did or where she did it. Now, taking the path past the kitchen, Rayne was intensely aware of the eyes. She didn't look at them. If Cooper noticed, he didn't show it. “How is everybody?” she asked.
Cooper grinned. “Nate and Eric...they’re not very happy. I know Nate’s game – he’s getting the worst of it.”
The weather had been volatile, storms blowing in from offshore, flat out yellow blind suffocating heat, a cycle that left her uncertain what to expect. It was clear. It was clear now. It might stay that way for another couple of hours. Nobody was wandering around the beach because it was group time. Except for Jimmy. He was sitting out by the trees, smoking and drawing pictures in the sand. He couldn't even hold onto his cigarette.
Rayne tried to steer her father in the other direction, away from fried brain. Cooper pulled up briefly and stared at the Toad, who didn't notice because he was doing whatever he did. "He won't bother us," she assured him. "He’s a brain wipe."
"Jimmy Breaux," Cooper muttered. "Damn it, I didn’t know he was here. Keep away from him, if you can."
She started to say something, defending the Toad, and bit it back. Toad didn’t deserve any defense from her; whatever her father didn’t like about him, she could add more to the list. Cooper had not, she was sure he had not, ever slept anywhere near Jimmy.
There was a place she could see from the balcony outside her room, a place where the rocks held water in a dark pool. She'd spent hours looking down at that dark water and felt comfortable with it. Settling down on the warm sand, the surf at low tide, Rayne tucked her hands in her lap, looked out at the ocean and then back at Cooper. He sat down next to her and looked at her and waited.
She'd considered beginning with an apology. Sorry mom and dad for fucking up. She'd written it out. It was high school. It was like apologizing for blowing curfew or an exam. It did not even begin to cover what had happened. Sorry mom for screwing Ryan and making him think it was you and then messing with his head by telling him it wasn't. She could never and would never expect sympathy from her mother for that act of singular selfish stupidity, nor could she ever tell her father about it.
Cooper shifted in the sand. It was hot. He didn't look uncomfortable but he looked uneasy. Rayne thought about the Gabe factor. The second paragraph in that apology...well she didn't owe anyone an apology for being a fool. She'd struck that out of her imaginary composition. What did that leave? Nothing much. A lot of sand on a hot beach and a thousand hangovers and her father, watching her. Waiting.
"None of this is your fault," Rayne blurted out and almost gasped. That was not what she had planned to say.
He seemed surprised, and then he leaned back and studied her. "You're going to have to help me out here. I don't know what happened. Any chance you're going to explain it to me?"
She opened her mouth to reply and then shut it again. Searching, wanting to offer something, something true, a gift of truth, she found nothing, nothing that wouldn't hurt. She'd already hurt too many people, spreading that pain to include her father was not an option. Compromising with herself, looking up into her father's face, the line of his mouth hard, Rayne leaned back against the wet granite flank of the boulder and told him, "I had a crush on somebody. I thought it was something it wasn't. I drank too much and made a big deal out of nothing. I just drank too much, Dad. That's all."
Cooper's eyes narrowed. He sat up. "A crush," he repeated flatly. "Come on Rayne, don’t bullshit me. I know who you’ve been running with; don’t try to tell me you jumped down the toilet for Nic Taylor or that kid with the garage. The blood letting went the other way. You want to try again?"
The image of Gabe's face, the clear and cold smile and the laughter, you're a liability...pain like broken bones shifting against each other. Rayne took a breath. Held it. Directed her gaze out there somewhere past the blue horizon until it eased a little. It wasn't real, she had to keep telling herself that. She slid quietly to her feet and walked a couple of steps away. "Like I said, I drank too much," she said, making it light, making it meaningless. "That's why I'm here. What difference does it make why I started?”
"Rainie,” he started, and he stopped, and Rayne wondered if he was going to keep going. Cooper looked down at the rippled sand, looked up, “Rainie, I never intended to cut out on you or your mother; I thought I could have it all, my music and my family. I'd made mistakes with Wyatt. I didn't want to make them with you, and if I wasn't there when you needed me, yes, that was my fault. Whatever you've done, whatever happened, I'm not judging you. Give me a chance to help."
She could see it, all of it, splayed out broken and open and bleeding and ugly, an autopsy of her life. Reveal that? No. Rayne shook her head, looking directly up into her father's eyes. "If you're going to blame yourself for something, choose something else. Not this. You can't claim fault for this, Dad. You just can't. I made some stupid decisions. That's my fault, not yours."
A bell chimed behind those white stone walls. She was running out of time. "Listen to me," Cooper told her firmly, "I'll be back tomorrow, and I'm bringing your guitar. I know what they let you have here and what they don’t, but you’re getting your guitar. If you won’t let me do anything else for you, I’m doing that much."
They started back, Rayne thinking about the guitar, wondering if she could request a particular guitar and deciding not to push it. This time the slope from the beach felt steeper. Every step a trudge. Trudge trudge. Cooper talked to her as they walked, quiet, talking about music, drawing her out, and she heard him and she tried but she couldn’t think of anything to say.
Cooper stopped at the sidewalk, hugging her while the driver started the engine. “It’s ok,” he whispered, holding her. “It’s going to be ok. I came back from worse.”
Then he was gone.
He’d come back from worse? Well yeah, he was Cooper Stanfield. It was not the same. What was she? A girl with a guitar. She'd have to hop up and down in her underwear before anybody paid any attention, and the attention would be on the panties. She needed a better idea. She needed a drink.
She started toward her suite, stopped, and returned to the beach and stood there, restless and fighting with herself about what she wanted and what she thought she should want. One big escape was at the top of her list. Find the door and get out. It was getting dark. She wasn’t allowed outside this late.
"They can't make you go inside,” he said, that long hoarse Southern drawl, ditch water and alcohol and smoke. “You paid. Don’t matter who your daddy is, they can’t make you do what you don’t want to do. Nobody owns you. Sit out here and fuck em."
It was the Toad. He stood in the surf and smoked, skinny and dirty and fucked up and watching her like he wasn’t sure she even heard him, but he didn’t look away. The ember on his cigarette glowed, sucked into life, shattering into little sparks, falling blowing, catching and carrying fire in the wind.
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NEXT CHAPTER: Sessions Chapter 22
46 comments:
That was intense! The first few entries in her journal...I can't even imagine doing something that like.
I'm glad she's getting help. Even though I do see her trying to work people over. She needs to stay away from 'Toad'. He's like Charlie Sheen. In and out of rehab like it's a playground for adults or something. Not a good person to hang around.
I love your shots but your writing was just so focused and descriptive. I adored it.
Phoenix, it was incredibly frustrating to try to get a variety of shots when it's all on a freaking beach. Plus the lot blew up on me about 100 times; I was about to dump it when I finally came up with a workaround.
Of course Rayne is still trying to work people over LOL. And Toad...we'll see about that. Doubt she's much like anything he's ever encountered.
I cut so much out of this, and was almost in tears. It doesn't come across the way I'd hoped and planned, but if you think it's intense, then some of what I wanted to do is there.
I took the suggestion ASK made about using a journal. I hope it worked. It was a wonderful suggestion.
Thank you!!!
I'm sorry to hear that shooting on the lot was an exercise in frustration. I know how that can sap your creative energy. But, maybe it was Rayne's way of putting you on more even footing with her? ;)
Nevertheless, you certainly did manage to get across Rayne's frustration and the fact that she's still hiding things from herself (like she's too scared to examine her actions and life too closely). As Phoenix said, it was intense.
And take your dad's advice, Rayne, stay away from Toad. Although, from a writer's POV, where is the fun in that?! haha
I'm glad the journal idea worked for you too!
You know I've been meaning to comment on an actual Passages update for a while. I'm all caught up and I'm even going back and re-reading some stuff. This will be short because I can't do in-depth comments as well as other people seem to, but I just had to say something with this chapter because there was something about it that was just really powerful for me. I think it was Rayne's talk with Cooper, I thought it was really sweet (for lack of a better word). The entire setting is beautiful, I'm sorry you had to fight with the game so much to get it. I understand that, ;). I know we're being warned off of Jimmy, but I kind of like him. When you say "southern drawl" for him I can't help imagine "cajun" and that just gets me going a teeny bit. :)
ASK, thank you! I would not have come up with a journal, and it really helped me slide into her head.
You know she's not going to stay away from Toad haha! No fun in that, no fun AT ALL.
Wow Mela! I didn't know you were reading this! Thank you!
The exchange between Cooper and Rayne - he needed that as much as she did. The connection between father and daughter is definitely sweet and it is real.
Jimmy aka Toad. Gayl and I worked up a meme for him which I posted on my main blog. He's from Lafayette LA. Deep south, cajun boy. And he might not be so bad. Maybe she's the chance he needs, and maybe he's the chance she needs.
I'm glad Rayne's getting help, and I do wish Cooper wouldn't try to shift the blame onto himself. Then again, that may be a natural tendency for any parent. I don't have kids, so I can't be sure at this point.
Toad seems like an interesting character. I wouldn't mind seeing more of him.
Again... seriously gorgeous set! Beautiful pictures! :D
Dinuriel, I think parents swing between wanting to take blame, wanting to take control, and getting seriously angry about it. And Cooper has reason to feel like it might have been his fault. It may have made no difference if he was there all the time, but he wasn't.
You'll be seeing a lot more of Toad!
thanks so much for the compliment on the pictures. The set drove me crazy but I did finally figure out how to take some shots there.
First off this was visually stunning. The lot is so amazing and the shots you were able to caputre were as well. I love the journal entries, they really capture where she is right now. Jaded, emotionally spent, and trying not to show her fear.
I'm glad that Rayne is finally getting some help, starting to come to terms with reality, and getting a grip of the things she's done to herself and others. I feel like this is not going to be a short road for her. And I can't wait to see what the Toad has to offer this situation. Very shady individual.
Great update.
Muzegoddess, fear is an interesting emotion to attach to Rayne, but of course she's afraid.
She tends to make her own reality though.
Jimmy. In his mosaic meme, the one word used to describe him is Abandoned.
I really love the journals too. They'll continue.
I fought for I don't know how many hours to get shots in that lot. Ten days worth of fussing with it. Finally managed to wrastle that monster to the ground and get them this afternoon. Thank you!
your sets are always perfect!
on to my rambles..
I'm glad Rayne is finally in rehab! I can just imagine what all of them sound like. what it feels like for Rayne to want to speak up but can't or don't want to.
The fact that Cooper warned her about Jimmy had me interested but now that he spoke.. DEFINITELY interested!
As always, great chapter!
You know Qui, I would love to have voices for them. I know exactly how they sound!
Ok apart from that...yeah. Coop warned her. The guy they warn you off from is always the one you HAVE to talk to! Rayne's already fascinated with him.
It was so extremely hard to get these shots, so thank you so much!
Aside from everything I've mentioned offline, I was really struck by how young Rayne looks now that she is somewhat dry. It was easy to lose sight of her youth considering how fast she grew up and with all she has been through already, too much too fast for a girl her age.
There was no way Coop could have known that Jimmy would end up there but it is just like him to want to shield his baby girl.
I wish there was something I could have done to ease the problems you had with the lot but your shots really spoke to the heart of this piece. You are probably sick of hearing me gush over it but I absolutely loved every bit and can't wait for the agonizing next steps!
She does look so much younger, doesn't she? I was struck by the same thing. She is young, very young.
No of course there's no way Cooper could have known Jimmy would be there. He chose the place, chose the best he could find. Intake is hard, and he was the one there for her through that.
The shots are, to me, windows into their world. I can't always get it right. When the moment is a long conversation on a beach, I hope I can capture it.
No never gonna get tired of knowing what you think. thank you
I hope Rayne stays away from the Toad too, he's obviously very screwed up and I can't imagine anything good would come by hanging around that guy!
I'm glad also to see that she's trying to clean up, as long as it's going to take and what she'll have to go through, it's worth it to get her life back. Too bad they don't have Gabe rehab, she needs that too! :D
Beautiful shots and deep, emotional writing, very well done, the perfect combination!
LOL Emily! Cooper definitely shares your opinion of Jimmy! He's one messed up young man. But we'll see. I kind of like him.
But then so is Rayne. Who will take some of what she can use in rehab and blow off what she doesn't want. It will take her a long, long time to get over Gabe, or perhaps more accurately, to get over her own humiliation and total lack of judgment. No easy cure for realizing you've been a total fool.
Thank you!
Ugh, Cooper, don't you know better by now? Warning Rayne away only means she dives head first into it. This is her fault (not entirely, but she has some blame). Beth and Cooper's weird relationship might have caused some cracks, but Rayne is the one who took it as far as she did. Part of rehab is coming to terms with your mistakes and taking responsibility for your actions. It's one of the reasons my mum keeps failing, lol. Letting Rayne think she can get off blameless is not going to help her!
I thought things might go well... until the guy stepped in. Oh God. There is always a guy with Rayne, LOL. This is going to be bad, I think. I can't think someone in the same rehab with her with such an infamous reputation is someone Rayne needs mixed up with right now. He may not be a bad guy himself, just misunderstood... but two misunderstood folks with chips on their shoulders don't always make a winning pair, LOL. I think Rayne needs a man sabbatical. ;)
I loved how young Rayne looks here. She's always been young, just smashed and young. Now she's just raw young--confused with too much energy and nowhere constructive to put it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her, but I don't think her fucked up road is at an end yet.
Great pictures, Beth! Sorry to hear your lot was giving you troubles. :(
Mao! I thought you were packing!
It's interesting to work with a character like Rayne. She's hiding her deepest problems, although there's really nothing anybody can do to help her through that mess. And it's hard for a parent not to try to step in and take responsibility, particularly since Cooper still doesn't know what on earth is bothering her.
She knows she screwed up, and that it's her fault and nobody else's fault.
Young and raw and confused and full of energy and very frustrated certainly describes her.
She needs to avoid diving into a romantic attachment too quickly, that's for sure. A relationship with a guy like Jimmy - messed up and high profile, and it's not clear yet why he's even there, whether it was his choice or something force on him - would be hard to manage.
I still like him though :D
Thanks so much for the compliment on the pictures, and for taking time to read and leave me a comment. Your support means a great deal to me.
This will be short. I'm out of story reading mode recently. I'm still over-analyzing, but the words aren't as close at hand.
Expressing my opinion of Rayne is one of the largest impossibilities I feel when reading this story. She walked willingly into a trap, was hauled under, had too many opportunities to change for the better or step back, but was deluded and selfish and hurt everyone is the process. But does that make her worth hating? I don't think so. But do I like her? She has potential, but it's an up and down battle. One minute she's showing strength and I see the possibilities for her and I want to love her, but then she gives into her weaknesses and I second guess her and myself. You've done an excellent job developing a very complex character who sits in that gray area. I think there's a difference between loving the character and loving their characterization. I may not be certain whether I love Rayne, but I love your characterization of her.
I look forward to more of Toad. He definitely seems like an interesting character. I just hope that Rayne will ultimately grow into a stronger person rather than be pulled down again by their meeting.
...Was this short? XD
I'd like to see more of Toad but only if he doesn't lead Rayne astray! She's only just got out of one mess, she doesn't need another one. I wonder what she makes of her therapists - can they get through to her in a way others haven't managed?
Deep cleansing conversation with Cooper, much needed.
Love that he showed up in a limo, rock star all the way.
Jimmy puking on the balcony, he's a keeper. A lot of potential there in a lot of ways. And Cooper knows him, and warned Rayne. I wonder if she will listen?
Lotus...you know I don't count words! Not sure what over analysis is, but I don't think you're doing it. Anyway, I appreciate the feedback. I change direction if I think what I'm trying to do isn't working, and the only way I know that is if someone tells me.
That is exactly Rayne. A perfect, perfect description. She's not particularly lovable. Sometimes she's pitiful, sometimes she's a horrible spoiled brat. She can be willful and manipulative and self indulgent. However, she's attempting to grow up and to learn from her mistakes, when she recognizes them. A complex young woman raised in an unusual family. I'm very, very pleased that you're reacting to her the way you are.
Rayne is obviously intrigued by Toad. And he has obviously noticed her. I would personally advise someone that young to run like hell from any relationship with someone who shares an addiction. I doubt Rayne would take that advice. She's been through a lot but she doesn't see very far down the road, not yet.
Thank you. For reading and for sharing your reaction, and please don't worry about length!!
Rad, I have a bad attitude towards therapists. I was reluctant to even attempt to write about a rehab experience because I am so biased. Not sure yet how to manage Rayne's interaction with them; I might work around it. (and if anyone reading this is a therapist, my apologies...)
Two people with the same problem are usually a bad match. Rayne doesn't really even know who she is yet; she's very young and she's been defining herself as daughter/sister/frustrated lover with catastrophic results.
thank you so much for reading and commenting!
Drew, Cooper is definitely a rock star, all the way LOL!
That discussion between the two of them was important. He did not see what was happening to her, still doesn't understand what did happen, but he's going to make the effort to be a bigger presence in her life. At her age now that's not going to be easy to do.
Will Rayne listen to his warning? Uhhh...LOL. No. She's not exactly enamored with Jimmy so far; grossed out is a better description. But he's young, he's a musician, they share a common problem, so there are certainly parallels that interest her. If only so she can pat herself on the back and tell herself that she isn't anywhere near as bad as he is.
thank you so much
Uh oh. Normally when parents say stay away from that kid it means a whole lot more than trouble. Rayne better stick to thinking he's gross or problems...
Yes! She's getting herself sorted out. Now Gabe and Ryan can stop lurking in shadows and whatnot. Funny how Rafe, Tony and Gabe have that same affect on women - Mr Mysterious. LMAO about the 'Should I request a particular guitar?' - Daddy's girl at heart.
So Cooper STILL doesn't know? (I must say he's looking n-i-c-e). Being a rockstar, whoa, not a job I would like; but he has best interests at heart right now which is very important.
Way too good shots! They're just too good! And with the words.. it's just.. (dare I say it?) TOO GOOD! (I especially like the Journal part then on Day Six we sort of 'burst' into her reality). :)
I'm glad to see Rayne getting it together. Taking responsibility for her mistakes is a big step in the right direction. It would have been very easy to pass it off on Cooper.
And props to Cooper for taking responsibility for his mistakes as well. Everyone has grown up a little. Lets hope this continues.
Cooper did really well, and even if she didn't manage to open up to him, at least it did manage to sink in some how much he cares.
Lol at her using Toad as her gauge for deciding what is really out of control, but that comparison might actually work as they make progress, I can't see her letting Toad do better than her at getting better.
TheLook: oh yeah, Cooper is looking extremely nice!
Rayne's sorting things out. Being out of control and humiliated was not a happy experience. She'll continue to think Jimmy is gross until he does something to change her mind, if he's capable of that.
The extended family that includes Rafe and Tony and Gabe is sort of mysterious, although I never thought about it that way. Spent too much time with them probably LOL! They're very different people but they do have a lot of secrets.
Thank you SO MUCH about the shots! Using Picasa to upload them really does make a difference. Using a journal as a device to get it started did work well. Thanks again to ASK for suggesting it.
Hey Sinclair - Rayne's willing to take responsibility for her mistakes, although it doesn't mean she won't make new ones. Coop does care about his kids; once he realized she was in trouble, he started trying to do what he could to make things right.
thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Goodbye_Sun, Coop did do well. He's a good guy.
And that is exactly what Rayne is doing: comparing herself to Toad and disliking the resemblance. She's a competitive little piece of work; she definitely will not let him do better than she does.
Rayne does come across as a spoiled little brat with the possibility to be more. There is definitely a strength to her or maybe that's just her stubbornness.
I think one of the things that makes me feel for her is how crappy she seems to feel about the things she's done to the people in her life. I love the conversation with Cooper where she stops it right there. She makes a conscious decision to not hurt anyone more by telling him the truth. Normally, I think withholding the truth can be destructive, and in a way it might still be for her, but I think it would just do more damage in this case.
I love that she tries to tell him it's not his fault and at the same time accepting blame. But as a parent, it only makes sense that he's looking for the whys and the how and he's reflecting and wondering what he could have done to prevent this whole situation.
Wonderful chapter again. Ominous ending. Soon as she started writing about the toad I knew that it couldn't end well. She asked herself, "Why am I writing about TOAD?" Why indeed!
LunarFox, thank you!
Strength and stubbornness are pretty closely related. Right now it's mostly stubbornness, but she's got enough wisdom to keep a secret she knows will hurt people she loves, and that's strength.
Not sure that Jimmy has the power to do much damage to Rayne. She could lose sight of her commitment to sobriety, that's probably the biggest danger. She does not admire him at present, and has no desire to please him. But she's curious. She's definitely curious. She wouldn't be writing about him if she weren't intrigued.
Thank you!!
Your shots are always so beautiful and the storyline has me as captivated as always! How I wish I were as good a writer as you. Practice Practice I suppose. =)
Whymust, I'm no writer. I don't really know how to write. I'm astonished and flattered but really I don't think you need to practice.
Just tell your story.
Maybe the counselors just don't call her on everything they notice...
Rayne is working so hard, but facing everything is so painful. She needs someone to commend her on the baby steps. She sees the end of one path--being like Toad, but she needs to be able to picture herself as something better, too.
The setting is beautiful. You wrote this with a lot of authenticity and respect about how hard it is to change.
Thank you Francesca. I'm very familiar with that process, the desperation and the denial, although this is not autobiographical. It's hard to watch someone you love struggle with it, and repeatedly fail. You stop believing and wear out.
Rayne's father is not there yet. This is her first try. She's having trouble picturing herself as a success because she's chosen a picture that's unlikely to come true, shooting way too high, and almost guaranteeing failure and discouragement.
We'll see about Toad. Sometimes a frog does turn out to be a prince.
Thank you so much!
This was powerful.. the diary entries were intense, very well done!
Everything was good, everything seemed perfect, it seemed like Rayne was already seeing a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
But then at the end. the Toad comes out and talks bullshit and she stays to listen...
Rayne your daddy told you to stay away from him!
You are not supposed to talk to a stranger!!!
Oh gosh.. lets see what happens next, I have a feeling... oh well...
Really well done, Rayne looks very youthful, and beautiful...
S@ndy, thank you!
Jimmy isn't like anyone Rayne has ever encountered, and her reaction is certainly mixed.
Of course she's not going to pay any attention to a warning from her father LOL!
wondering what your feeling is...
thank you again!
What an interesting update! I mean, you guys are really reaching for the stars with these perspectives. I am just awed by the realism of rayne's situation..her sarcasm and bitterness for keeping a journal is something I can relate to. I feel she is so free spirited..which if it didn't get her into sticky situations, would be a good thing. Toad is such a rebel too, another free spirit, I have a feeling they will get along well, which is ironic bc coop said not to. Toad reminds me of a patient from an episode of House that I watched yesterday, hopefully toad can sober himself so that he doesn't share the same fate as house's patient!
Hi xtina! I've seen that episode...too many creative people do share that fate, unfortunately.
Are those two alike? Obviously yes. they might get along, or they might compete with each other, or they might dislike each other intensely. Or all three.
and realistically, Rayne would stumble again and again before she finds some truly compelling reason to stay clean. If she ever does.
thank you so much!
I am anxious to see what the turning point in her life will be..
I have gotten to know rayne and she's spent her whole life searching for that someone to fill the void in he memory, I have a feeling he may have something to do with her wake up call, but I guess that only time will tell...
Thank YOU for your truly great and inspirational writing.
xtina, we would write anyway, but it's so great to know people enjoy what we create. Thank you!
Interesting POV, the first person, glad to see Rayne's getting help she needed/Needs it. You did capture the withdrawal quite well! the symptoms the need/desire for more. Will she make it through? and is this an unlikely friendship with the loathesome toad? Possibly...
As always beautiful screens and great job on the writing.
thank you Cherie - the friendship isn't as unlikely as it might at first appear. and Toad probably isn't as loathsome either!
thank you for the compliment on the shots!
Now, this is an interesting development... The princess and the toad... and a toad with a Southern drawl. Cute : )
I have a feeling this princess is going to give this toad a real adventure! He's certainly never met anyone like her before. They could very well be the right answer for each other... but then again... Lol!
Coop's not going to like this... if... if he ever finds out. Lol! You'd think Coop would know his daughter better by now! ; )
Colliegirl!
The princess and the toad is right. He's never met anyone like her, but she's never met anyone like him either.
Cooper won't like it. He's protective. And I don't think he does know his daughter very well. Nobody does though. Rayne doesn't even know herself very well.
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